The Weight of Words

About 3 or 4 weeks ago I began a journey toward better health. When I started writing again, I found myself realizing that my spiritual health was not the only thing I needed to be better at maintaining. In my five years at FBC Weston, I have gained forty pounds. I was beginning to feel weak and tired on a regular basis, and I knew something had to change. If I was going to take my faith seriously, I had to acknowledge that my body is a vessel I have been given stewardship over by God, and it is my responsibility to maintain both my physical and spiritual health.

So far, I have had a great experience; I am down 18 pounds and feel great. Tonight, however, was the most challenging night I have had to this point; and it didn't even have anything to do with my workout or diet.

As a part of my training, I was encouraged by my trainer to join a gym. I decided that for ten bucks a month I would join a local gym and my trainer would be able to diversify my workout which should help me see increased results. So, I signed up for the gym and tonight I went up to pick up my membership info and tag.

As I walked into the gym, I was excited about continuing on my journey to better health. My excitement was, however, quickly overcome with a sense of uneasiness. As I looked around my mind suddenly shot back to middle school.

I was not the most athletic kid in my school, but I wasn't unathletic either. The problem was I was (and still proudly am) nerdy, small, and had a funny laugh. While many of my classmates were always supportive of me and encouraged me to do my best and get better, there were a few who saw me as an easy target. The insults that those few individuals would hurl at me cut me to the core on a daily basis. I wish now that I would have said something, but I was too scared to do anything to stand up for myself. Over time I began believing what they said, and I stopped working out in the school weight room.

When I walked into that gym tonight, all of their words came flooding back into my memory, and I suddenly recalled how I felt in middle school. Setting foot inside that gym was like reliving my worst nightmare. I wanted to leave and not go back. I didn't want to run the risk of facing the same judgment I encountered as a kid. No one would know if I just went home and kept working out there. It is so important to understand that the words we use carry a lot of weight. Some of the things said to me are too derogatory to type here, but what you need to know is that those words still weigh me down. One of my biggest struggles in life is believing that God can use me because I second guess everything about myself. This lack of self-confidence is a direct result of the bullying I experienced as a kid. I was never physically bullied at any point in my life; it was always verbal. Regardless of the mode of abuse, I still carry scars with me every day.

Now, many well-intentioned people may be thinking things like "just remember, sticks and stones," but overcoming the words of others is much more complex than that. In Proverbs 12:18 the Bible describes "rash words" as being "like sword thrusts." Words can cause a significant amount of damage and inflict a lot of pain. (James Chapter 3 also paints a picture of just how powerful the tongue can be.) If we are not careful the things, we say have the potential to destroy an individual and create a lasting impact that affects the entirety of their lives.

There is hope for us, however. In the second half of Proverbs 12:18 we see that "the tongue of the wise brings healing." When we are wise and loving in what we speak into a person's life, we can bring about healing they may be needed so desperately. As I look back on my life, it is the words of encouragement from countless people in my life that have helped me begin to find healing. When coming from a place of malice and evil, words have the power to weigh us down and crush us. Wise words, however, can take the weight away from us and bring us comfort and healing.

I will not allow the words of people in my past to keep me from continuing on this journey. I will, however, use them as a constant reminder of the weight that words carry and I will do my best to speak wise words into the life of everyone I meet. Afterall, you never know who is in need of a kind word.

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer" ~Psalm 19:14