"I'm going on an adventure!"
I never dreamed that God would bring me to the place I find myself in today. The trials of this past year seem to have occurred a lifetime ago, and it is hard to believe just how much has happened in such a relatively short period.
Frankly, the past year has been challenging. My family has experienced illness, hospitalizations, death and many other issues that have often left me feeling out of control. You see, I am what you might call a "fixer. Whenever I see someone struggling or if I perceive a problem that needs to be dealt with, my initial reaction is always to try and fix the problem. The reality of this life, however, is that not every problem we encounter in life is fixable. There are just some issues that are outside the realm of our control, and those circumstances always tend to eat away at me.
I cannot remember another time in my life with as many unfixable issues as this past year has presented me. Watching loved ones struggle with illness and experiencing the loss of my last surviving grandparent left me feeling exhausted and disconnected from God. In my struggle to fix the unfixable, I was neglecting to care for myself and my physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Looking back, I now realize the damage I was causing myself by not caring for my well-being, but at the time, I believed I was doing the right thing by doing whatever it took to support the people around me who I saw as suffering more than me. I was lost and didn't even realize it.
Fortunately, it was during this time that I rediscovered the discipline of journaling. Writing in my journal has allowed me to put words to my thoughts and emotions. More importantly, journaling has allowed me to reconnect with God on a deeper level by forcing me to face how I see God at work within the world. When I am writing, I must come to terms with the reality that, despite my best intentions, I cannot fix everything or everyone. My job within this world is to be a vessel to be useful wherever God leads. It is God's job to fix, and it is my privilege to follow him and be used to help as He sees fit.
As I have come to terms with my struggles, and as I have begun turning control over to God, amazing things have happened in my life. Don't get me wrong; I am still at the core of my nature a fixer. I am now, however, more aware of the complications being a fixer often creates in my life. Because of this awareness I now see how I can use my writing as an outlet for my frustrations, and because I am not solely focused on the problems beyond my control, I am seeing how God is leading me more clearly than ever before.
The amazing thing to see has been how God has been leading me to places I never expected to be. During my journaling, I was forced to come to terms with the fact that my physical health was drastically affecting my emotional and spiritual health and was having a direct impact on my relationship with God. With God's guidance and the support of my beautiful wife and an excellent trainer named Sam, I have shed fourteen pounds, and I feel better than I have in years. I never expected to find myself on a journey toward weight loss, but isn't that the beauty of God's guidance? We never know where God is going to lead. What we do know that his purposes are higher than ours and no matter the outcome, Christ has overcome. (John 16:33)
I am convinced that God is calling each of us on an adventure. The question we each have to ask ourselves is, are we willing give up control and let God lead us?
It is my hope to use this blog as a way to chronicle my own adventure while helping others discern where God might be taking them. Will you join me as we journey together and discover what adventures lie ahead?